Skulls.

You stumble over a sea of gayly colored
pebbles
(some bleetched and some a shaddowy crimson)
And through your eyes--
they are ony gems--
they are beautifully polished and
fit for the tops of king's crowns.

I (on the other hand) screech at the
customary sight of feastering flesh
(rotting off of their bones
which still fight for life),
but were they ever alive?

You, also, are wasting away...

I look down
I realize

...so am I.

Hey everyone! It's been awhile, no? Well, it's not like your missing anything, life is routine as always... Me and my family are thinking about me going to the Governers School for the Arts next year for my cello playing. I've heard like so many bad things about the governers school though: promiscuity (rape), and a higher emphasis on Drama than any other art. In other words, from what I hear, the music department there sucks... So now I'm looking into the Fine Arts Center; maybe it'll be something better than the school I go to now.

I saw Chris my boyfriend a few times sine last I blogged. I spent a Saturday with him not too long ago. We drove up into Paris Mountain and went into the woods of a park together. I thought that was a really sweet idea... I saw him for a split second at some Cello-bration thing at USC in Columbia; just enough time for a hello and goodbye I suppose. He shook my hand because we were in public: in the eyes of broad daylight.

I had to play in a masterclass when I was in USC. I played for Mr. Ying, the cellist in the Ying quartet, imaging that. He told me there was tension in my bow arm after we played so I was relieved when he didn't tell me I sucked that bad. Just before that, I had to play in another masterclass for a world renound violinist named Mr. Cho-Liang Lin. lol He told me there was too much tension in my bow arm... I played for him at Woffard College.

BTW I told my best friend Rebecca that I'm gay... I got her to go into a small rehearsal room with me and I told her. She was so accepting of me, she started out sympathetic, but then she was ok with me. I think she knew (lol). And NO I don't ack that gay at all... She never talks about it but I guess I'm ok with still keeping things a secret.

Other than this, my life is running pretty smoothly.

~and then I found ten dollars~

lol ;-) later gators

So Long Ago...

Holla! It's been a long time, no? ...But the reason I haven't been blogging is because I've been away at cello camp for five weeks, and it's so incredibly boring here. There is nothing to blog about so I'm just going to stall on this post ;-)

At camp, I guess some fun things happaned. I told my friend Merideth that I knew how to boody-dance and she was all, NUH-UH! So I had to teach her how. When I was taking Merideth to the little fountainette to show her, another friend was all 'I'll teach you how to Grind if you teach me how to Boody-dance...' so I said OK to that! XD Then I started teaching them and they thought my version was gross- I do get a little... graphic... when I dance- and Kat taught me how to grind.... :-D my little dark secret.
Merideth, after I taught her and Kat wanted to know who had the best @$$ and I just told them I was gay. So they responded, "Ok, so who has the best set of boobs?" LOL XD Girls these days, everything's a joke. GR!!!!(infinityXinfinity)^infinity!

Home life is boring and routine. I talk to my boyfriend, Chris, every now and then, in fact I am talking to him right now. He was away and told me to leave a sweet message this is what I left, what do you think? : "I wish I were with you on a boat out on your lake under the stars- with me at your side, so we can talk about what's in the vast reaches of space. And then I'll take your hand as we dance together in the moonlight with only our reflections on the water to tell the secrets we keep together. " -He was out riding on the black waves of the night at his lake house... so, too sappy??

I was supposed to meet Chris today, but he had some issues with one of his friends, so we moved it to next week.

As far as music, I've been writing on two string quartets (no, james, they just take forever to write ;-D ). and there ok... not Dvorak or Prokofiev, but there fine... Well, let me go write on old string quartet no. 2 c-yah!

Condom? Condom? Anyone for a Condom?

So! I bet you're wondering about why I have such an obsene title for this blog... Well too bad you are curious because I'm never going to tell you!! MWAHAHA! No. Jk. This is what happened:

I was in the Health Center with two friends (one who was getting blood drawn), and we were in the waiting lobby preparing ourselves to here Caroline scream and cry. I looked to my side where there were a bunch of pamplets advertising things like "I used a condom... but it broke." And there was the infamous "How to use a condom" pamplet... There were also 'Man on Man' and 'Woman on Woman' safe STD preventing sex brochures...
I got up to get one of these... interesting pamplets... and I came across a bin of various medications and stuff. They read: 'Advil, Claritin, Hauls, CONDOMS, Ibeprophen... etc.' The lable on the condoms read also: "Take as many as you need because safe sex is smart sex! Please do not take all of the condoms as we are rationed for them each year. Thank you, and remember- be Smart!!" I took a condom and stuffed it into my pocket...

Later that day, I was going number two and I looked over at my pants and was like, "Hmmm... I'm bored and I have a condom in my pants..." So, I got it out and took it out of it's container and the thing was freaking huge. It was like 12" long and 2" wide and I was like, "DAMN! I could never fit into this tiny condom. What to do with a lubricated stretchy economy-sized condom???"

SO!

I took the condom and stretched it a few times and I put it up to my mouth and blew. I blew long and hard. ...And when I was done the condom took the shape of a humongous boob.

I tied the end and threw the inflated condom around the stall.

BUT THEN...

I thought to myself, "I can't go walking out of the men's restroom with a large condom! I've got to pop this thing!"

I got my keys out and was ready, aimed, and about to stab-----and some guy walked in. lol.

When he left, I slit the condom with my keys and let the condom go flying around the room. I put my pants on etc... and I put the condom into the toilet. I flushed. The paper and condom-wraper all went down... ...but the condom did not. Oh well, there's a condom floating around in a toilet somewhere. -I left the bathroom.

Then I found ten dollars.....................

Camp...

For the past week I have been experiencing NCSA's summer session 'camp.' When I first got here things ran smoothly and I signed in and everything. My room mate is Chinese and it is difficult for him to speak English, but he didn't even get here until Thursday. I'm not very sociable, but on the first day I ate lunch and dinner with this random cellist from my hometown... I ate dinner and lunch alone on Monday and Tuesday. I got here on Sunday...
The cellist I met is very cool, and forced me to eat lunch and dinner wither her XD. ...but by Wed. we were locked away in a small practice room doing improv. on basis tonic I, subdominant VI, and dominant V chords (sorry I'm such a music dork ;) with a few other people.
AND something happaned that made my life. -made me whole. I could die and be like, "Wow, I had a super-fantastic life!" AND IT WAS!!!!(drumrole)

I GOT TO CONDUCT THE WHOLE ORCHESTRA OF 80 PEOPLE DURING SAINT SAENS' DANSE BACCHENALE!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!
omg that just made my life complete lol.

...but anyway...

I miss Chris so much. He has been stressed out all week and I have been trying to make him happy; tell him I love him and that I think about him often... I call him every now and then and we talk on IM some. It bothers me that he is all stressed. He was sick for two days and had a migraine.

The music we are playing is: Overture to Candid by Baernstein (an opera that sounds all ballroom dancey...), Hoedown by Copeland (the song that accompanies the beef commercial; that we all know and love as "The Beef Song"), Danse Bacchenale by Saint Saens, and Nimrod by E.Elgar (it is sooo pretty OMG!). The music is kind of easy, but it sounds so good and our conductor is nuts. He's metro, so s'all good.

I'm actually having a good time; it's better than last year- last year sucked out loud. Well, week one is over... four weeks to go. Wish me luck.

My First Date

Well, you know I go out with some guy named Chris. I lied, he's not just some guy; he's the most kind and caring person on the planet. We met yesterday for the first time at the mall; I know it was a dangerous move, but there was something about Chris that I really wanted to meet in person.

I was waiting around the benches of Haywood mall with my hand peacefuly laying on the side rail, until I heard a familiar voice behind me. Turning around slightly Chris came into full view and he was about an inch shorter than me, he was talking on his cell phone to his secritary about one of his patients. He hung up and made eye contact, then suggested we walk around the mall.

Once inside he commented on how I was kinda shy and told me to open up; I don't blame him because I was really nervous... We went into a few shops and looked at clothes. He was such a people-person: he talked to everyone and it was like they knew him. I loved the way he acted. Then he asked me if I wanted to hear him play the organ. I told him yes and he said he didn't have a CD or anything with him, so we had to go to his car to listen.
"Are you OK with that?" he asked.
I responded, "Yea, I don't mind."
We got to his car, it was a nice red SUV. I got in and tried to put my seatbelt on (XD) and he asked me if we were going to talk about stuff for awhile. I put away the seatbelt and we talked about how nervous I was for awhile. He played a few songs on his CD player for me. I thought he was pretty good, -blew my mind how fast he was going with all of those double stops... But anyway, he asked if he could put his hand in mine; he did. He leaned foreward some and so did I... He put his other arm around me... We leand in a little more... and...

So! How's your life going?? -Me? I'm GREAT!

He took me out to dinner at Applebees and talked a little more. Before I knew it I had to leave as did he. He mouthed that he loved me and I mouthed back an "I love you, too." And he left... God I miss him, and it has only been like a few hours. I love him so much, I want to make him so happy.

I stood on the sidewalk, watching him drive away into the distance...